My Next 30 Years...

For the record...30 feels nothing like I thought it would.

I think I thought that I would feel old, maybe a little uncool...definitely more like an "adult." But the truth is I feel more alive, more like "me" really than I did when I turned 20. Maybe because the "me" at 20 was more like the me I thought I should be, and not the me that God created me to be.

There's a big difference.

And it's taken the last 10 years for me to only slightly begin to figure that out.

As i'm taking some time today to reflect back on my 20's, there are a lot of things that, knowing what I know now, I would have changed.  But then again, would I really? Because some of those unwise choices, heartaches and struggles certainly have paved the way for me to reach out to Jesus in a real way, and intentionally take a look at who I really am, and who I want to be.

A big part of me feels like the majority of my 20's were a selfish struggle. God, fix me, help me, show me, define me, give me, love me...I've spent the first 30 years of my life trying to figure out and define who I am...how people see me, only to realize that I don't want people to see me at all.

I truly, from the depths of my heart, want them to see Jesus in me.

And so as I step off into this fresh new decade, fully loved and fully aware in who God designed me to be, I want to change the word from "me" to "You".  God, how can I love You, serve You, desire You, reflect You more in all I do.

I am so grateful for where i've been, where I am now and where I am headed...and for all the amazing people God has placed in my path along the way.

I am grateful that God is much more creative than I am, because His plan for my life so far has been WAY cooler than what I tried to map out.

I am grateful for way too many things to list in this blog.

I am grateful.

Jamie

What are you waiting for?

My wise friend Jeanne Stevens once said "when God waits He always gives a promise & when God waits it's always with a purpose."

But what does it really look like to wait on the Lord?

Sometime we wait for answers. Sometimes we wait for reassurance. Sometimes we wait for an apology, for a job, for direction, for healing, for money, for love, for someone to change.  Sometimes we feel like we wait against our will. Sometimes we wait because we’re afraid to really go where we sense God leading us.

But how many times are we genuinely, truly, desperately from the depths of our soul waiting on the Lord…and how many times are we really just waiting on Him to give us what we want?

If we’re really honest, how many times do we actively wait on the Lord with confidence in His wisdom and love, trusting in His timing and promises…genuinely seeking His presence and sovereignty? And how many times do we merely impatiently pass the time until He finally gives us what we thought we should have already had by now anyways?

In the past 10 years I have found myself in multiple seasons of waiting where all I was really waiting on was for the season to be over.

I wanted clear direction for my life.

I wanted the hurt to be gone and the healing to begin.

I wanted to be out of the job that I dreaded going to every day.

I wanted to know whether or not I had a life threatening illness.

Looking back now, I think that some of those seasons may have been preparing me to actively embrace waiting on the Lord later on. Each season of waiting, in some form or fashion, has strengthened my confidence in who He is and in what He is doing.

There’s a key word in that sentence above…one that I’ve missed many times over in my seasons of waiting…

Actively waiting.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that God doesn’t intend for our seasons of waiting to be stagnant times where we’re sitting around fruitlessly twiddling our thumbs. He wants us to be actively seeking…actively praying….actively trusting that He will reveal to us our path when His timing is right, not our own.

“The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.”

–Lamentations 3:25

So what are you waiting for?

Jamie

Play that funky music...

I love music. Like...a lot.

No, seriously.

It's a pretty safe bet that 99.9% of the time, i'm singing one song or another in my head (and sometimes out loud...my apologies to all my cube mates at work).

So today I was driving in my car with my iPod on shuffle. It never disappoints me. It's like an unending game of "name that tune." Each selection arbitrarily fluttering from genre to genre. There are some songs that have been sitting in my ipod untouched for quite some time. If it were an actual cd, you'd likely need to wipe off a layer of dust before playing them.

In the midst of my eclectic mix, I look down just in time to see Deana Carter's "Strawberry Wine" pop up on the playlist. Oh, but not just any version...the karaoke version. Oh yes. You can guess what happened next...

I rocked the entire song. (at the top of my lungs, mind you, like I was Kelly Clarkson singin' for her supper)

Of course I was by myself in my car (thank goodness).  But nonetheless, for a few moments I was transported back to my senior year of high school when my friends and I, with our freshly earned driver's licenses, used to belt out this song as loud as we could. And then I also recalled another line in the song. The one that says "I still remember when 30 was old..." Yeah. That one.

I recalled how we used to say "umm...30 IS old."

Aaaaand then I looked at my calendar and realized that I have exactly 60 days until I hit the big 3-0.

Ouch.

Funny how 30 doesn't seem quite as old to me now as it did then. And funny how a song can remind you of a specific time and place in your life so vividly...like a soundtrack.

So that got me thinking...as i'm about to exit my 20's and enter the world of "thirty, flirty and thriving" (a little throwback to all my 13 going on 30 movie fans), what kind of soundtrack do I want for the last days of my 20's? How can I wisely and purposefully use these next 60 days?

I can tell you I don't want to leave my 20's kicking and screaming...I want to gracefully exit singing and dancing. I have a feeling i'm going to look back on this decade as some of the hardest, yet most amazing times in my life. I want to celebrate that. And I want to look forward to what God has for me next.

I haven't always felt that way...in fact, this is something i've really wrestled with for the better part of the last two years. Mostly for stupid, stereotypical reasons. But i'm coming around, and beginning to get a little excited about the next chapter. I'm excited to enter with a much better grasp of who I really am rather than who I thought I was when I entered my 20's.

So, here's my top 5 selections for my life soundtrack for the next 60 days:

1. Glory to God Forever - Steve Fee
2. Footloose - Kenny Loggins (did you really think I wouldn't have an 80's throwback in there?)
3. Typical - Mutemath
4. You Can't Hurry Love - The Supremes
5. My Next 30 Years - Tim McGraw

Ok, your turn...what's your current life soundtrack?

Jamie

Singleitis

Do you remember much about the last half of your senior year in high school?

Yeah, me either.

By then, we had all "checked out" and were so ready to move on to being a college student, that it was all we could think about. In fact, in our minds, we were pretty much already there.

Many call this phenomenon Senioritis.

I mean think about it, you're at the top of your game...you rule the school, you're basically coasting to the graduation line...but you're so anxious to get to the next level that none of it matters. All you know is that you're done, and you're ready.

So what do you do when you get this kind of feeling in the singles world?

I like to call it Singleitis.

You know the symptoms: you've reasonably established yourself and your career; you're feeling like you're finally comfortable in your own skin and have a solid sense of who you are; your social calendar is never lacking; you spend no less than 1/4 of your annual salary on wedding gifts, bridesmaids dresses and baby shower gifts; you have at least one relative ask you about your dating life at every family function...

Don't get me wrong, it's a fun and exciting season - one that I feel has blessed me and challenged me in more ways than I can even imagine. But lately, in various conversations with many of my single friends male and female alike, we've found ourselves anxious for what's next...

The problem is, that unlike high school, there is no definitive "graduation date" into the marriage world. So how do you navigate this season without "checking out?"

Whether we're willing to admit it or not, it's a tension that many of us have felt at one time or another.

(whew...there, I said it.)

So how do we navigate this tension?

I mean sure, you could sign up for every online dating/speed dating/blind dating opportunity you could find in your city as well as threaten to annihilate anyone who comes between you and the coveted prize during the bridal bouquet/garter toss at any of the 10 weddings you're attending just this year...

OR...

You can resolve to know that it's OK to live in that tension a little bit AND still know that God's in control and isn't going to leave you high and dry. You just have to make sure you don't let the anxiousness control you or cause you to completely abandon a perfectly good path the Lord may be laying out in front of you...one that might require you to remain single a little longer than you originally thought.

Just tonight, I was talking with a dear friend about this very topic.  I told her that I LOVE my life, I love where i'm at, and I also LOVE the possibility of having a husband and family one day.  Would I like that "one day" to be soon? Absolutely. 

But what if it's not? Will I be mad at God or resent Him for it?

Absolutely not.

I mean, if God were to tell me He wants me to be single another 10 years, i'm not going to lie...I would probably do a bit of pouting and stomping my feet along the way, but I would obey. I wouldn't settle just because my life doesn't look like what I had mapped out for myself. And I wouldn't take it out on God, because I have confidence that He sees way more of the big picture than I ever will.

And that's what it's all about anyways...the big picture.

His big picture, not mine.

I never want to lose sight of that.

Jamie

In God We Trust...?

I have a confession to make. I never did the "trust fall" at camp as a kid.

(gasp)

You know the one I'm talking about...where you stand on a ledge, and your friends are supposed to catch you all together with their arms? Yep. Couldn't do it. Was it because I didn't trust that my friends wanted to catch me?

No. I think it was more my fear of what would happen if for some reason they couldn't.

In the same token, why do we find it easier to trust God with things that we have absolutely no control over, as opposed to those situations where we could trust Him, but often choose to rely on our own strengths and talents instead?

Is it because our view of trust has been tainted by disappointment from imperfect people? (Insert cheesy salesman here saying "heeey, you can trust me" while winking and shooting his super-cool finger gun at you) Or is it because we allow our fear of losing control of a situation to take over and instead we faithlessly manage the things that we think we're capable of on our own?

There are so many areas of our lives where it's easy to say "ok God, you're in control...until you do something I don't like, or I become fearful that things aren't going to go the way I planned..."

• Finances
• Relationships
• Work

(I could keep going, but you get my point)

We claim we're surrendering these things to God, when in reality, we never fully loosen our grip.

And then there are the times where I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about a situation, and so I really have no choice but to trust that God is in control.  But then again, is that really trust...or just submission by default?  

Our daily currency says "In God We TRUST"

Proverbs 3:5 says "TRUST in the Lord with ALL your heart"


What do you need to loosen your grip on today?


Jamie

Keep your eye on the ball...

Hello old friend, how I've missed you. It's been a while since I've written, I guess you could say I got a little distracted. I've let other things garner my attention, and the next thing I know, I haven't blogged in almost 8 months.

How did that happen?

Apparently it doesn't take much.

In the last month, I've had at least two friends get in a car accident because they took their eyes off the road, for a moment. A slight distraction was all it took to lose control of their vehicle and send them crashing into the car in front of them.

You ever wonder how a dancer can spin around and around without falling over? They're taught to have a "spot" or "center" that they constantly focus their eyes on and follow all the way as they turn around. Know what happens if you lose your "spot" for even a half second? You guessed it...you get dizzy, lose your balance and everything around you all of a sudden seems to be moving in the wrong direction.

Even a baseball player at bat is told to keep his eye on the ball. I don't think he's going to be able to hit a 90mph fast ball by focusing on the 1st base that he's hoping to ultimately land on.

So what happens when you take your eyes off of God, even for a moment?

You wind up where I am tonight: frustrated, a little defeated, and feeling a whole lot like everything else in your world is out of whack.

And it only takes a moment.

A moment of getting caught up in the things of this world that don't matter. Or even caught up in the things that do.

A moment is all it takes to let a desire, a goal or a dream all of a sudden become an idol to us, momentarily taking our focus off of His path for us. It doesn't mean God doesn't want those things for us, it's just that these things aren't where our eyes should be focused...they should just be in the periphery, while our eyes are constantly on Jesus...the ultimate prize.  It's an act that isn't always easy to do, with all of the distractions that are readily available to us today....i'm just thankful that even though I may lose my focus from time to time, He never takes His eyes off me.

"Our God is, jealous for His own
None could comprehend, His love and His mercy
Our God is exalted on His throne
High above the heavens
Forever He’s worthy...

We will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on You
So we can set our hearts on You
Lord we will set our hearts on You!"