30 Days of 30: Day 13 - Thumbprints

So clearly I took a mini-hiatus from writing for a few days...sorry about that friends - weekend work retreat calls. But admittedly, it was nice to take a few involuntary days away from connection to any technology.

However I have found a way to catch up for the lost 6 days, and also cover 6 (ok maybe 7) very important people I am thankful for...

Sue Bates

Misty Paige

Elizabeth Pehrson

Heather Pierpont

Patti Brussat (far left) 

Sharon Turner & Lisa Toomey

Who are these women?

They all, at some point in the past few years, have mentored me. They are women who have given of their time and their hearts to pour into my life, to offer wisdom and encouragement. They are women who are a little ahead of me on the path, but who are willing to show me what they've learned along the way. 

They've laughed with me
cried with me
listened to me
encouraged me
challenged me
guided me
prayed for me
inspired me

And most importantly, they loved me...right where I was at. But they've also loved me enough to not let me stay there. They've helped me understand more of the woman I am and the woman I want to be. They've held a mirror to my face and helped shine a light on my path, and for that I am forever grateful.

They have inspired me to do the same thing...to invest in the next generation. To pass along unique insights and lessons that the Lord is teaching me along the way...maybe even helping to keep some young girl from making some of the same silly mistakes I made. But inevitably, helping to encourage and raise up a generation of women who seek Jesus, who seek wisdom, and who seek to continue to pass it along to the generation that follows them.

These women are a monumental part of my story and have forever left their thumbprints all over my life.

So here's my challenge for you today: on whose life are you making an impact?


"Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction."
     -John Crosby


Jamie

30 Days of 30: Day 6 - The Handbook to Understanding Women

Men, I have a secret tip for you...

Do you want to finally understand women?
Do you want to know how they're wired, how they think and most importantly, what they want?

Well fellas, fear no more...I am here today to tell you that there are only two "handbooks" that you need in your pursuit to understanding the hearts of women: The Taylor Swift music collection and the book, Captivating.

Now after you quit laughing, and before you give up on reading this post, hear me out. Do you know why just about every girl loves a good Taylor Swift song (whether she admits it or not)? Because inside, we're all really still just a 15 year old girl at heart. And because she's not singing anything we're not already thinking...she's just bold enough to say it out loud. But if you can't deal with the chick music, don't lose hope...you still have the other book, which is what I am really dedicating this post to. :)

I am a self-proclaimed book nerd, and writing is my outlet...so there are numerous books that have played a crucial role in my personal growth. One of those books, hands down, is Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge. It's a book that eloquently encapsulates the desires that lie deep within every woman's heart...the desire "to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty."

Just as every man has certain desires that make him come alive, these three elements are the core desires that make a woman come alive. Most of us women already know that. However, the beauty of this book is the fact that it so perfectly depicts all of the things women are feeling...the hopes, but also the fears. The good, the bad and the ugly parts of who we are and how we are wired. A lot like Taylor, it puts words to countless thoughts and feelings that many women are afraid to say out loud.

It's confirmation that we're not alone. 

And to a woman, that's priceless. To me, it was not only affirmation, but a great reminder of how we're uniquely wired to reflect God within our femininity. And that, is true beauty.

Because whether we're willing to admit it or not every woman, at the core of her being, simply wants to know that she's needed. That' she's worthy. That when it comes to love, yes there are risks....but that she's worth the risk.

She's worth the fight.

She's Captivating.


"Just like God, a woman is not a problem to be solved, but a vast wonder to be enjoyed...As she is sought after, she reveals more of her beauty. As she unveils her beauty, she draws us to know her more deeply. Every woman has a beauty to unveil. Every woman. Because she bears the image of God."
     -From Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge




Jamie

30 Days of 30: Day 4 - ForGIVEness

 

 “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that 
the prisoner was you.”

      -Lewis B. Smedes

Close your eyes with me for a moment and reflect. (ok, maybe wait until after you read this paragraph first, otherwise this exercise is going to be exceedingly difficult to do) I want you to think of someone who has hurt you. I'm not talking about the kid in middle school who called you (and everyone else) brace face, I'm talking about someone who has truly, in every sense of the word, wounded you.

Maybe they lied to you.
Maybe they betrayed you.
Maybe they left you.

But in some form or fashion their actions, in your mind, justified a need for remorse. They've committed an act against you that warrants rectification. There is something that at some point, you feel they have owed you. There is a debt that needs to be paid.

Is your blood boiling yet? Take a deep breath and bear with me.

The irony of this situation is that in this scenario, unless you are willing to fully forgive that person (with or without an apology) YOU are the one enslaved to the offender. YOU are the one that will lie awake at night rehashing the situation, thinking through what you really want to say, if you had the opportunity to set them straight. And guess what? Odds are that they aren't losing any sleep over it. Guess what else? If just thinking about this person and this scenario is causing your blood pressure to even slightly rise, you're nowhere near close to truly forgiving them, no matter how much you think you've let go of what happened.

You see, the easy part is forgiving someone who is genuinely sorry. Someone who acknowledges the error in their ways and begs you for forgiveness. The problematic situation is forgiving someone who is not. Someone who either isn't willing to accept responsibility for their actions, or thinks they weren't in the wrong to begin with. How do you go about forgiving them? Do you forgive them? Is that even possible?

Learning this principle was a major game changer for me...so don't miss this:

There is FREEDOM in unconditional FORGIVENESS.

Forgiveness that is not earned.
Forgiveness that is not solicited.
Forgiveness that is not, in some cases, seemingly necessary.

If you look at the context of "forgiveness" you will see a very crucial word hidden within the text: give. I don't think that's a coincidence. True, unconditional forgiveness is not a feeling. It's a choice we make. It's a gift we have the opportunity to give...on behalf of the One who gave His life for our ultimate forgiveness.

Hidden within the confines of unmerited forgiveness are the offerings of grace, love and truth.

Grace says I will bless you even though you don't necessarily deserve it.

     "...and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."   -Romans 3:24

Love says I accept you right where you are.

     "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself."  -Leviticus 19:18

Truth says I will continue to point you back to Jesus in all I do.

     "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the head, that is, Christ."  -Ephesians 4:15

So how do you know when you've truly forgiven someone?

For me, it was when I was able to sit down to pray for that person who hurt me...to genuinely pray for God to bless them and to know that I really meant it. It didn't happen over night. It wasn't easy all the time. But it was a daily (sometimes hourly) choice to cancel the "debt" I felt was owed to me, and to believe that God has much bigger things in this world for me to carry for Him than a grudge.

Who do you need to truly forgive today?


Jamie

Singleitis

Do you remember much about the last half of your senior year in high school?

Yeah, me either.

By then, we had all "checked out" and were so ready to move on to being a college student, that it was all we could think about. In fact, in our minds, we were pretty much already there.

Many call this phenomenon Senioritis.

I mean think about it, you're at the top of your game...you rule the school, you're basically coasting to the graduation line...but you're so anxious to get to the next level that none of it matters. All you know is that you're done, and you're ready.

So what do you do when you get this kind of feeling in the singles world?

I like to call it Singleitis.

You know the symptoms: you've reasonably established yourself and your career; you're feeling like you're finally comfortable in your own skin and have a solid sense of who you are; your social calendar is never lacking; you spend no less than 1/4 of your annual salary on wedding gifts, bridesmaids dresses and baby shower gifts; you have at least one relative ask you about your dating life at every family function...

Don't get me wrong, it's a fun and exciting season - one that I feel has blessed me and challenged me in more ways than I can even imagine. But lately, in various conversations with many of my single friends male and female alike, we've found ourselves anxious for what's next...

The problem is, that unlike high school, there is no definitive "graduation date" into the marriage world. So how do you navigate this season without "checking out?"

Whether we're willing to admit it or not, it's a tension that many of us have felt at one time or another.

(whew...there, I said it.)

So how do we navigate this tension?

I mean sure, you could sign up for every online dating/speed dating/blind dating opportunity you could find in your city as well as threaten to annihilate anyone who comes between you and the coveted prize during the bridal bouquet/garter toss at any of the 10 weddings you're attending just this year...

OR...

You can resolve to know that it's OK to live in that tension a little bit AND still know that God's in control and isn't going to leave you high and dry. You just have to make sure you don't let the anxiousness control you or cause you to completely abandon a perfectly good path the Lord may be laying out in front of you...one that might require you to remain single a little longer than you originally thought.

Just tonight, I was talking with a dear friend about this very topic.  I told her that I LOVE my life, I love where i'm at, and I also LOVE the possibility of having a husband and family one day.  Would I like that "one day" to be soon? Absolutely. 

But what if it's not? Will I be mad at God or resent Him for it?

Absolutely not.

I mean, if God were to tell me He wants me to be single another 10 years, i'm not going to lie...I would probably do a bit of pouting and stomping my feet along the way, but I would obey. I wouldn't settle just because my life doesn't look like what I had mapped out for myself. And I wouldn't take it out on God, because I have confidence that He sees way more of the big picture than I ever will.

And that's what it's all about anyways...the big picture.

His big picture, not mine.

I never want to lose sight of that.

Jamie

Blogspot-light: Perry Noble

Folks, it's time for the first ever Jamie's Blogspot-light...where I find other peoples words of wisdom or blogs that are worth sharing, and pass their bloggy goodness onto you!

First up, Perry Noble. Perry is the pastor of NewSpring Church, and an amazing communicator.  I had the privilege of hearing some of his wisdom and insight at last year's Catalyst conference, and he did not disappoint. Even through his humorous wit, he found some great ways to drive home some hard points. Enough said, i'll let his words do the talking...

The following post is straight from his blog - both posts are about relationships. Five things that single dudes and single girls should know. If you're single, you should definitely read this whole thing, I don't care how long it is - it's good stuff!  

Enjoy!

Five Things A Single Dude NEEDS To Know… (by Perry Noble)

OK guys…here we go…I’ve been wanting to do this one for a long time.  Please keep in mind that I made TONS of mistakes as a single dude…so these lessons are NOT all as a result of my success stories.  BUT…I did manage to do some things right…and I have a red hot wife to prove it.  (Thank You Jesus!!!)

#1 - If You Are Interested In A Girl…YOU Need To Talk To HER.  

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22 that he who FINDS a wife finds what is good (AMEN!)  Men…it is up to you to FIND a wife…that means YOU are to be the one to initiate things…if you want to be the leader IN the relationship then you should take steps to be the leader at the beginning of the relationship!

This means, if you are interested in a girl…you talk to her!!!  You don’t call HER friends and ask them to drop hints for you…unless you are a pathetic wimp.  You don’t get YOUR friends to drop hints to her friends.  BE A MAN!  If you want to ask her out…ASK HER OUT!  Trust me…her friends don’t want to talk to you about it anymore…and if you keep bothering them they are going to tell HER to stay away from you!

I did this right…when I finally decided that I was interested in Lucretia I told a couple of buddies so they could pray for me…and then I had a conversation with her and was completely honest and transparent about the way that I felt.  She said she would “pray about it” and that she was “not saying no,” which was NOT very encouraging.  BUT…I found out later that she always told her friends that if a guy was interested in her then she expected him to talk to her…NOT anyone else.

#2 - When You Talk With Her–BE HONEST & DON’T PLAY GAMES!!!  

One of a man’s top fears is rejection.  SO…in order to stay away from this pain and hurt he will not come out and say he is interested in a girl…he won’t say, “I would like to take you out for dinner.”  Nope–he plays games…drops hints…all the while hoping that the young lady will pick up on his pathetic attempts to “woo her” and then begin to pursue him.

Dude–stop it, right now!!!  If you are interested in a young lady–tell her.  Just come out and say it.  If you are not sure…but you think you would like to get to know her better…then tell her, “Hey, I would like to get to know you a little better…can we have some supper?”

DO NOT SAY, “Hey…uh…well…maybe, you know, if you like food…uh, do you like food,” hoping that she will say, “Yes, take me to get some.”

Ladies want a man that can be honest…and if you can’t be honest with her from the beginning then how in the world will you ever convince her to trust you in the future?

One more thing…another reason that dude play games is so that they can fuel their pathetically weak male ego…they string girls along…they are not interested–but do want someone to make out with on the weekends.  To be honest–I want to punch guys like this in the nose.  (And if you are ANY sort of man…and you have a daughter…and a dude does that to her…you want to punch him as well–no matter “how godly” you are!!!)  :-)

#3 - On The Date–Be Creative

Ladies–please…if a guy ever takes you to supper and then a movie ON THE FIRST DATE…DROP HIM like a bad habit.  Trust me…this relationship has started off on the wrong foot…and here is why…

When you go to a movie on the first date you learn NOTHING about one another…there is NO interaction, no conversation…and so when you get home one person will lie to the other one and say they had a nice time…when they really didn’t because time and money were spent on getting to know all about the lives of the fictional character on the screen.

Guys–think enough about her to PLAN the date…and when you PLAN…PLAN it well!  (This is where you CAN get advice from her friends.)  When you pick her up–don’t ask her where she would like to go eat…HAVE IT PLANNED.  (There should be a conversation somewhere about particular restaurants that are liked and are not liked.)

I know one dude that took a young lady to eat and then they went to Wal Mart where he said, “Let’s get a buggy–go through and pick out five things that we identify with…and then meet back here and write them down…and then go somewhere and talk about them.”  DING DING DING–we have a WINNER!!!

(Note:  Movies are NOT a bad date idea…they are just a bad first or second date idea!!!)

#4 - On The Date–Be A Gentleman

Dude–you have GOT to treat her like a lady.   Walk her to her car door and open it for her.  I have had guys argue with me & say, “My dad doesn’t open the door for my mom.”  I always reply, “Well…maybe your dad is an insensitive jerk!”  Just a thought.

(Ladies…if he does not open the door…just stand outside of his car–he will get the hint.  If he doesn’t find you valuable enough to open the door for you…trust me, it’s going to go downhill.)

Guys–a lady wants to feel special…like someone really wants to take care of her…and trust me, the little things matter…so open her car door.

Oh yeah, one more thing…when you come to her house to pick her up…cut your car off, walk up to the door, and ask for her like a man.  If you pull up in her driveway and call her from your cell phone–you are a loser.  If you pull up in her driveway and honk your car horn…you are REALLY a loser.

(A dude came to pick up my sister once a blew the horn…she got up to leave & my dad told her to sit down.  The guy outside then began to hold down on the horn…my dad, who had drank a beer or twelve, got up, walked outside, opened his car door and hit him in the nose, knocking him across the car.  He said he was going to go home and tell his father…to which my father proceeded to invite him to do so, telling him that he would be glad to give his father the same treatment.  The dude left & came back an hour later cleaned up and apologized for the way he had treated my sister.)  I LOVE TELLING THAT STORY!!!  :-)

#5 - If She Says “NO,” That Means NO!  

Guys–if you ask a girl out on a date & she tell you no–back off…stay away…you can be her friend but do NOT begin to try to put pressure on her…this freaks her out.

I have had so many single dudes tell me, “But Perry, you talk about how you pursued Lucretia for nearly two years before she even went out with you.”

YEP–that is true…but I was her friend and not a freaky stalker.  During my two year friendship with Lucretia we maybe had five conversations about the possibility of us dating one day…and she NEVER told me NO or to never bring the conversation up again.  We were friends…we hung out…with NO strings attached.  She never told me to back off.

If a young lady tells you no and you continue to pursue–dude–you are NOT being romantic…you are being stupid.  Let it GO!!!

That’s about it for now–just curious–what are some things a single lady needs to know?  (I will post about this–but remember–this Sunday is the message for the women at NewSpring…the men came out in full force…ladies…don’t miss this!!!)

Four Things A Single Girl Should Know (by Perry Noble)

Last year I did a post entitled “Five Things A Single Dude Needs To Know” that I felt like really challenged guys and gals…at least the e-mails proved that to be true. AND…one of the questions I received for several week after was, “What about the girls, when are you going to challenge them?” Well–after about eleven months here goes…

#1 - Girls Chase Boys, Women Wait To Be Pursued.

Ladies, please believe me when I say that if you are pursuable then a godly man will take notice at just the right time…wait. If you have to pursue a guy and initiate all of the conversations and planning then the dude is not ready to lead…which would automatically disqualify him biblically from being your husband.

Ladies–admit it–the desire of your heart is to know that someone thinks you are lovely enough to pursue…and when a guy makes an effort to win your heart–there’s just something about that that makes you feel special.

God created you–designed you…and it wasn’t so you can throw yourself at a guy, hoping that he notices. Fall in love with Jesus and a godly guy will notice, I promise.

(If you are whining right now saying, “But I am in love with Jesus and no one is noticing” then you need to stop and listen to yourself…trust me, a dude doesn’t want to pursue a woman who whines!)

#2 - Set High Expectations

This sort of goes along with the first thing…but ladies–let me say this clearly–Ephesians 3:20 says that God is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, which means that you should not look at a guy and say, “I can fix him up and he might work.” As I often say, you are NOT the Holy Spirit–”fixing people” is the job of Jesus…not you!

When you get married you need to be willing to say, “I will love this person AS IS for the rest of my life, if NOTHING changes I will love them!” BECAUSE, when you get married, change is NOT a guarantee…so don’t listen to promises of change if evidence is not shown beforehand.

I am SICK and TIRED of godly Christian young ladies settling because of insecurities in their lives OR because their friends are getting married and they think that they are going to be 28 and single–which would be the end of the world!!! I have seen girls get here and panic–and then date and marry some dude, only to be in divorce court in less than five years–which brings about another set of issues altogether!

Ladies–remember–Ephesians 3:20! Is he more than you could ever ask for or imagine?

#3 - Don’t Over Analyze!

Girls are HORRIBLE as this…a guy will ask them out and they will think the following…

• “He just asked me out–what does he mean by going “out?”
• “If I go out this once then does that mean we are dating?”
• “What if I don’t like going out with him–and he asks me out again?”
• “Is he thinking marriage? Oh my–if we had kids they just wouldn’t be cute!”
• “He hasn’t called me in a day, he hates me, did I have broccoli in my teeth?”

I could literally go on and on…but ladies, if a guy ask you out and you want to go–then go, and don’t spend the 72 hours before and after trying to analyze things that probably will never happen. Seriously, God probably hasn’t even invented some of the problems that ladies get stressed out about–CHILL!

#4 - Be Honest!

If I have one pet peeve with girls…it’s this–they will go out with a guy, say they had a great time…he will ask can they go out again and she says, “Call me.”

So he calls…and calls…and calls! The girl never answers when she sees its him on caller ID, she thinks if she ignores him then he may just go away. BUT, because he’s a guy and probably a little clueless–he keeps calling.

Finally they accidentally run into each other somewhere…I say “accidentally” because she had NO INTENTIONS of ever speaking to him again. He says, “I’ve been trying to call you,” and she replies, “Really…yeah, uh, I’ve been…uh…you know…busy.”

He says, “That’s cool–I understand…so, what are you doing tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow night? Uh…well…uh…I have plans.” (This is always the safest answer, right?)

“Plans–well what about the night after that…”

This conversation goes on and on with the girl making some obscure reference to having to check her schedule and for him to call her–and the game goes on.

Ladies–please–be honest. If you like the guy and want to go back out–and he asks you–then say yes. Don’t play games…say yes and go. BUT…if you have no intentions of ever going back out with him again…then please, tell him because he is probably driving his friends crazy!!!