Patience, Grasshopper...Patience

Isn't it so cool how God uses so many different avenues to speak to us? Here's my "God moment" for today...

Just last night I was talking with a friend about how lately I have felt conflicted, or maybe frustrated (for lack of a better word). I have been struggling with direction, and where the "next steps" should be in my life, mainly regarding career, but also touching on a few other areas as well. I knew a year ago when I accepted the position that I am currently in, that it was merely a "transitional" job; one that will add skillsets that I will need in the future, but ultimately serve as a stepping stone towards wherever it is God is leading me down the road. The uncertainty now comes in the question of "how long do I stay here, and where do I go next when the time is right?"

I am not one who likes to be complacent in a spot where I know I could be doing/learning/acheiving more. However, I also know that if God has ingrained nothing else in my head and heart over the past several years, He has continually challenged me with mastering the art of patience. In every aspect of my life, from dating to career to finances, to basically everything, the central recurring theme He has shown me has been wait. Yes, the four letter word that strikes fear in the heart of every Christian...W-A-I-T. But how do you make sure that your "patience" doesn't become "complacency"? As a child of the "microwave generation," its so easy to want something or to set a goal, and expect to have it immediately. I set my own timeline, hand it to God and say "ok Big G, here's what I want...why don't you see what you can do to make it happen in the next 30 days..mmmkay?" Uh...yeah, im sure (as ive learned the hard way in the past) God is probably taking one glance at my timeline and laughing hysterically. In one of my favorite books by John Ortberg, "If You Want To Walk On Water, You've Got To Get Out Of The Boat," he wrote something that stuck with me: "For good reasons, God does not always move at our frantic pace. We are too often double espresso followers of a decaf Sovereign." And he is so right. On the front end, we see something we want, or we discover a passion for something that God has placed in our hearts, and we wonder why we can't have it now. But on the back end, God is telling us to wait - maybe because we're not ready for it yet, maybe because He's still building the framework to make it happen, or maybe some other reason that we'll never know. But whatever the reason, He knows my whole story and He knows how the book ends, so shouldn't I trust that He knows which chapters to build everything into? Easier said than done.

I was that kid that used to beg my mom to let me open one, just one present before my birthday. I was sure that if I could have just one thing early that I would be content until my birthday got there. Wrong. One year she actually let me do it. I can remember opening that pink Barbie umbrella and being elated because I had pointed that out to her in the store months before. But I can also remember that the excitement lasted all of about an hour. After that I was dying to know what was in the other boxes...if I got one of the little things I wanted, there was no telling what else I might get..the possibilities were endless! I'm sure I pestered her until she was ready to tape my mouth shut that year, because I never got to open another gift early. On that same note, God doesn't give us things before we're ready because He knows we'll just be that impatient little kid who will never be content.

Back to the patience/complacency debate...as I said, ive been struggling with knowing that this role that I am in is only temporary. I'm good at what I do, I work hard to make sure of that, but while I do constantly learn things, I don't feel like I am being continually challenged. I know that I am capable of doing much more than what is in my job description. This is where I find my conflict. I've tried to be still and just listen to God - to figure out whether I need to continue to be patient as He prepares me for the next step in my life, or is it time for me to seek out a new challenge where I feel I can learn/do/be more? I've repeatedly asked myself (and God) why I am still in this role that I feel is holding me back from reaching my full potential?

Enter God stage left...

So last night, I just laid it out to God - talked to Him like we were chit-chatting over coffee. I told Him, "God, I'm confused. I don't know why I am still where I am, and I don't know when or where I am supposed to go next...you're gonna need to give me some directions here, i'm feeling a little lost, and a little bit like im spinning my wheels." Earlier in the night, I had told my friend that I feel like im ready for a next step, but that I kind of felt like maybe God is telling me to wait just a little bit longer, but im not really sure. I prayed for clarity and direction.

Ironically, expecting it to be a while before I got an answer (probably another test of patience), I got a little more insight today. (how fast!) I have a box sitting on my desk of daily devotionals - on one side it has a bible verse, and the opposite has a prayer for the day. I pulled out my devotional for today and here was the verse:

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come."
-II Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

And then I turned it over and read my prayer for today:

"O Lord, help me to understand the reasons for your chastening."

If you're like me, the definition that comes to mind of chastening is to hold back. I decided to look up the actual definition of the word. And as I thought, the first definition was along those lines.

Chasten: 1. to restrain; subdue

But then I read the second definition that was listed:

Chasten: 2. To rid of excess; refine or purify

Ahhh. Ok God, I get ya - you're coming in loud and clear. So many times we mistake God's timing as restraining us from reaching our full potential, when in all reality He's still doing a little refining "behind the scenes" to prepare us for what's ahead. I feel that my intuitions for (gasp) waiting just a little longer are right on...I don't understand at the moment exactly why, but I know He will reveal it to me in time, and I know that He will open those doors for me when He knows I'm ready, not when I think I am.